


Today, It's Okay

by alastairWright



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Kid Fic, M/M, Married Characters, Mutual Pining
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-14
Updated: 2019-06-14
Packaged: 2020-05-07 12:41:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,641
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19209655
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alastairWright/pseuds/alastairWright
Summary: “Hi Stevie.”Bucky.Even after all these years his heart did a little backflip at the sound of his name from Bucky’s lips. It had been more than 20 years, but he still remembered what it was like, but oh how he had worked hard to forget.“Buck. Oh my god.” He was speechless and didn’t know how to react truthfully. Steve wrapped his arms around his torso to stop himself from doing something stupid like throwing himself in Bucky’s arms. He wanted to be reckless, but he couldn’t.





	Today, It's Okay

**Author's Note:**

> Okay no new chap yet, I'm working on that. I just read over this again and cringed, so chap one is back and re-edited! Hallelujah

Steve set his mug down, sloshing the cold tea all over his desk. His life used to be easy, when had things got so complicated? There were moments that defined his life, that he couldn’t forget no matter how hard he tried. 

_”I don’t want to go.”_

_“Steven you are still underage. Your foster parents worry that they aren’t the right fit for you anymore.” He heard the words, but he couldn’t process them._

_“I’ve been here for several years mister. I’m not the ‘right’ fit” he said mockingly, “because of who I’ve chosen to love.”_

_“I’m sure that’s not the case Steven.” He hated when adults talked down to him. He was a foster kid, that’s about as jaded as they come._

_“It is. Everything was fine until they found out I had a boyfriend. How far away are you taking me now?” It would be an inconvenience but they could make it work._

_“We actually found someone that wants to adopt you, and he has done all the paperwork expedited. He lives in California.”_

_“California?! And he wants to adopt a 16 year old?”_

_“He does, he’s been interested in you for a while now. Did your foster parents not talk to you about this all Steven?”_

_“No, no they did not. I don’t want to go, New York is my home. I’m not leaving.” He could feel himself panicking; the world was falling out from under him._

_“I’m sorry they were supposed to tell you. I’m here to take you though, I can give you a few minutes to gather your things.”_

_“I don’t need anything, I need to go and say goodbye.” He was close to hyperventilating now. This couldn’t be happening._

At the time he just wanted to blame his damn foster parents. Because of them he hadn’t been able to say goodbye and he was just gone. Now though he was able to forgive them and let go of all the hurt. After he left he had written Bucky hundreds and hundreds of letters trying to get in contact with him, but he had never succeeded.

And the man who adopted him, his benefactor, as he preferred to call him hadn’t allowed him to use the phone without being monitored. He had very strict rules for Steve but if he followed them then he would allow him to go to school and travel to study art. It was all detailed in a contract. A fucking contract. It was his dream, being almost gift wrapped, but then Bucky had been his dream too. 

However after two years without a response from Bucky he got the message. It was time to move on. Once his decision was made he had sobbed for days and had locked Bucky away in his heart. His benefactor had been explicit; no more gay relationships. It didn’t make him look good. And that was the only thing that he was good for. 

* * *

Steve had done well for himself. He now had a doctorate in Art History and was a professor. He had his own shows and worked in various types of media. He could draw, paint, do pottery, take photographs. He had learned how to do a bit of everything. Part of his study was done under some great artists and he had traveled around the world many times over. 

He met Peggy as a young student and now many years later she still amazed him. He could be a moody little shit but she was firey as well. She worked for a small branch of the government and so now their family had settled down in an old home that she had inherited in D.C. It was a nice house and they had a dog and twins. It used to be enough for him, until it wasn’t. And now he didn’t know what to do about it. 

Usually he taught upper level art or art history classes at Georgetown because he was one of the most knowledgeable on campus. He had the name, the references, credentials, and his experience to back him up. However he did like switching things up just so that he didn’t get bored. 

This semester he was teaching one lecture first thing in the morning teaching Intro to Art History. His TA had been ticked with him because her workload was more now, as he had 100 students, his largest class ever. He wouldn’t be too hard on them, at least not as hard on them as he was known for, but it would be a challenging class. There were weekly quizzes, 2 major essays, and they had to attend 3 events from a list of pre-approved events. 

Prior to the first day of class he had received his class lists. He would randomly call on his students so he went over the list just so he didn’t stumble over them. One had stopped him cold though. _James Barnes._ There was no way it was him, but it threw him into the memories better left locked away. Thankfully there was a knock on his door accompanied by laughter. 

“Peggy dear is that you?” He asked with a smile. 

“Daddy, you know it’s not.”

“Well door is open lovebug.” His 13 year old Dot came bounding in. He put his papers aside and took his glasses off. She hopped up on his lap and hugged him, a habit he secretly hoped she never grew out of. “Mom says it’s time to stop working and come down for family time.” 

“She’s a wise woman, I’ve been up here too long.” 

“Can I get your help out in the studio though?” 

“I’m pretty sure your mum wouldn’t approve of that.” 

“You could convince her. ‘Sides Harrison really wants to watch that history mini-series and she does too. So maybe we go to the studio, they do that, and we rendezvous for ice cream later.” 

“I’m not sure Dot.” 

“Please, I really need help throwing pots. I’ve been trying for a while now and I can’t. So now I need to ask my super talented dad to help me.”

“We have to talk your mum into it lovebug.”

“I can do it!” She said, changing her mind about having him do it. “Mum dad said he’d help me with my throwing!” Her voice faded as she went downstairs. 

All of his sacrifices had led him to where he was today and he didn’t regret any of his decisions but sometimes he wished things were different. He had talked to Peggy about it extensively to begin with and he had wanted to be open with her. She had accepted his past and still wanted to be with him. _Oh how he loved her._

After the twins had been born though he had struggled. So he went to therapy and well 13 years later he still met with Dr. Banner 1 or 2 times a month. It helped, so he kept up with it. 

His benefactor had died last year and he had never been so glad. They had a strained relationship, it had always been a business deal between them. When he died the lawyers informed him that he wouldn’t get a cent of his money. Steve had laughed and laughed at that. He had known that from the start and he didn’t want his money. Alexander Pierce had been a Senator and he had been losing voters. So he adopted an at risk boy and had funded his education in the arts. Steve had been present at many events as the son that Pierce had always wanted. But it was all a carefully crafted facade. Never more than that. 

Pierce had funded Steve’s education. Once he had graduated and was making money from his art he had paid the man back. Then he only corresponded with him via email. He was busy and Steve didn’t want him to know his family anyways. The twins had asked about their grandpa, but had never met him. Really the twins didn’t know much about Steve before he was with Peggy. He told them a few basics, but most of it was too much.

Peggy had asked in the past about their relationship, and that was the one thing he was vague about. Don’t get him wrong, it had only been with that man’s help that he had reached his dream. His name had opened many doors for him, he knew that. But he had been bitter for two reasons; how he left New York, and he had always dreamed of being adopted and having a family. That had not happened for him. Even now his family was small. It was the four of them, as Peggy’s parents had died young. So the dreams of being surrounded by family was buried. They had talked about more kids, but Peggy hadn’t wanted that. There was a part of Steve that wanted more kids, but not at the expense of his wife. She was a busy woman and their two were a handful. 

“Steven! You’re done in the office today.” He heard from the intercom on his desk. It was a bit ridiculous, what with cell phones, but they had had the system for years since the house was quite large. 

“I’m coming down Pegs.” He said into his intercom. 

“The semester hasn’t even started.” She said as he entered the family room downstairs.

“I know. I got distracted. So I think the twins schemed to get us to do what they want today. Are we going to let them?” She stepped towards him as he spoke and wrapped her arms around him. He hugged her tighter to his chest and kissed the top of her head. 

“I say we go along with them for two hours, that enough time for you in the studio?”

“Never enough time, but it will work.”

“Alright, then take out and cards after?”

“Ya we gotta appreciate this time with them, they’re growing up so fast.” 

“They are. We’ll talk more later love. They’re getting impatient.”

He jerked up to see the twins staring at them from their spot on top of the counter. He had been so focused on Peggy that he had no clue. His ability to focus has been both a blessing and a curse. He wanted to hold on for a while longer, or rather he wanted her to hold him together. So he leant down to share a soft kiss with her. She wasn’t having that though. She put her hands on his face and deepened the kiss. He eventually pulled away with a smile on his face. 

“To be continued.” She whispered, stepping away from him. 

“You two really love each other.” Dot said as they walked out to the studio behind the house. 

“Ya we do. We understand each other and have been together for almost half our lives.” 

“She takes care of you?” Steve looked over at that question. “It’s just with my friends their dads are the strong one. And you’re strong, but mum is stronger.”

“She’s the strongest woman I know and there’s not one correct way to have a relationship.” 

“So I can like girls?”

“Yup.”

“I could be ace?”

“Yup.”

“I could be poly?”

“Lovebug,” he said kneeling down to look her in the eyes, “all I want is for you to know that we will _always_ love you and I just want you to be happy. I don’t care how you get there.” 

“You are the most liberal dad I know and I love it.” 

“Alright Dot, your mum only gave us a bit of time to get this done today, so why don’t you show me what you can do and I’ll help you out.”

* * *

He walked onto campus quickly, briefcase in one hand and thermos in the other. Family night had been a success. Pretty quickly he was able to figure out what Dot was struggling with, and the time flew by. After they all got together for take-out on the couch. They finished the night off with some card games. With the kids in bed he and Peggy had spent some much needed together. 

Winter break felt like an eternity, and he was glad to be back on campus. But his art had flourished. Peggy though had been out of town for most of the break. So he and the twins had spent time together. Their small family had a few winter traditions, and their days were filled with snow, cocoa, and laughter. At night though Steve had worked on his art. Sleep was never easy for him. And he hated always having to take something for it. Most nights he fell asleep in his studio, literally after he collapsed from exhaustion. 

What Peggy and this therapist didn’t know wouldn’t hurt them. And he was fine with the routine. He was just very bad at sleeping, always had been. It was easier with someone else in bed with him, but with Peggy’s job she was away more often than not. Sex was the other thing that seemed to help, but that didn’t happen as much now. 

He walked into the lecture hall with only a few minutes to spare. He liked getting to his rooms early and with time to collect himself, but he wasn’t late so he’d take that as a win. He slept through the alarm and barely had time to grab some coffee on his way out the door. As he walked down the aisle he could hear the whispers start, this part of the job he didn’t miss. He was aware of how he looked, and how the students talked. Even if he was ‘disheveled’ according to his standard; his hair wasn’t done, he wasn’t in layers, hell he felt like a grad student again.

He set his briefcase down on his desk and pulled out some notes he had prepared. As the computer booted up he looked over his class and sipped on some of his coffee. It was pretty full, which boded well because he didn’t tolerate tardiness or interruptions. Several of them were already talking with their neighbors, but many were looking down at their phones or asleep again. 

Once it was time he turned on the screen to start his powerpoint. 

“Good morning class, I’m Dr. Carter. This is Intro to Art History, if any of you are in the wrong room now would be the time to leave.” A few students chuckled at that, why he didn’t really know. It wasn’t a funny joke, more of a courtesy. 

“I like to go through my credentials with my classes, just so that you know where I’m coming from. I have a degree in Art Practice from Stanford. I have a Master of Fine Arts from Berkely. I have my doctorate in Art History from UCLA. I have been in dozens of shows for my art, and published several papers. So in a nutshell that’s the qualifications that I have, and Georgetown decided to give me tenure here.” He clicked on his slideshow to show a picture of his family. “And this is my family. I’ve been with my partner near 20 years and we’ve been married for 14 of em. Our twins just turned 13 over the break. All in all not too bad for a scrawny little guy who grew up in the New York foster system.” 

Some of his students looked at him impressed, some thought he was bragging. He had learned though to do this so that he wasn’t questioned later on. There was a guy towards the front, he was older and wearing a worn jacket and ball cap. He had looked down every time Steve had looked over at him. The guy must have been pretty shy, but why sit in the front?

“I don’t normally teach lower level classes so you should know that this class will challenge you. If you think it’s going to be easy then you should probably leave now.” Everyone just stared up at him blankly. “Excellent. Threats aside I am excited to be your professor for the next semester and I’ll do my best to make this exciting for you.” 

For this first class he got them talking to get them excited about art. For it being an early morning class, they did get pretty excited about what they were going to learn. At the end he reigned the class back in and pulled up a quick overview powerpoint. 

“Here’s my incentive to you; come to class because you're going to see the classics in ways that you never have.I have studied this but,” he paused for a moment and then clicked on his next slide. Dozens of pictures flashed by showing him next to all of these classic pieces of art. “All of the pictures will be mine and I want to show you these things in a new way. See you next class.” 

A couple of students looked at him with wide eyes and they trickled out slowly. The man in the ballcap had his things all packed but was sitting with his head down. 

“Can I help you sir?” Steve asked, gathering up his things, putting them back into the briefcase. He didn’t need those papers for his next classes. 

“I didn’t know it was you when I signed up for this class.” The voice was deep and familiar, somehow even if he couldn’t place it. 

“I’m not understanding sir.” The man lifted his head and Steve gasped. The face was older but his eyes hadn’t changed. 

“Hi Stevie.” _Bucky._ Even after all these years his heart did a little backflip at the sound of his name from Bucky’s lips. It had been more than 20 years, but he still remembered what it was like, but oh how he had worked hard to forget. 

“Buck. Oh my god.” He was speechless and didn’t know how to react truthfully. Steve wrapped his arms around his torso to stop himself from doing something stupid like throwing himself in Bucky’s arms. He wanted to be reckless, but he couldn’t. 

_He never wrote you, so he didn’t want you Steve. And you can’t want him now._

“I know you don’t want to see me, so I can sit in the back of the room. But please don’t kick me outta your class. I’m set to graduate but I needed a few more credits and this was like the only one that fit in my schedule.” 

“I won’t kick you out of my class Buck. Least I can do for an old friend.” Also Steve rarely did that anyways. 

“Just friends huh?” He scrubbed a hand over his face. 

“I considered us to be more, but I was under the impression that you didn’t.” That was succinct and didn’t reveal too much from him. 

“What the hell does that mean? You left and I never heard from you again.”

“I wrote you hundreds of letters and you never responded to me.” He said through his teeth so that he wouldn’t yell. Old Steve would have screamed, but he didn’t want to be _that_ person anymore. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I just know I went over to your house one day and were gone and they wouldn’t tell me anything.” 

“I wrote you hundreds of letters Buck, ya gotta believe me.” He racked his mind trying to remember that time: because he repressed a lot of memories from then. Pierce had monitored _everything_ about him, had he monitored those too? He said he didn’t care about him writing his friends in New York and Steve had believed him. He would be making some inquiries later today. 

He choked back his emotion threatening to spill over. Now was _not_ the time for it. 

‘So you didn’t wanna disappear on me?” _Never, absolutely not_ But he had been a minor and the best he could do was write. After he didn’t get any response he eventually had to give up and not try again. There was a large part of him that was afraid of Bucky rejecting him or telling him that their time together hadn’t meant as much to him. And Steve was too afraid to hear that. 

“God no. I was adopted and I found out when the state came to get me. My foster parents were supposed to have told me.”

He hated his foster parents, they had taken care of him for years, had loved him until they found out he was dating Bucky. They had only seen them holding hands, but that had been enough for them to decide that they couldn’t keep him anymore. Though as an adult he had come to terms with the fact that that was only one part of the problem. The other was the fact that his art had been published in a magazine and Pierce had seen it. Once he found out Steve was an orphan, that was it. Nothing would have stopped him.

“Ok.” Students for his next class started to trickle in. “Maybe we should meet outside of class to finish this discussion?” Meeting with him could be a bad idea, but Steve needed answers and closure. 

“I can’t today, But I can meet any time after 2 pm tomorrow?” Him and Pegs had done their best to have family traditions, and the first day of school was one of them. Granted it was winter semester, but Pegs insisted that still counted. So they would all go out and get pizza and go bowling. He hated bowling, but his kids loved it. 

“2:30 at the coffee shop of MacArthur?” 

“Ya I’ll be there.” Whatever happened, Steve knew he was going to need to move up his usual appointment with Dr. Banner.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys, I'm pretty nervous about this just because this is the first fic I've put out in literal years. I was inspired by a chat on Discord for the StuckyBangs and then I heard "Grande Amore" by Il Volo and well this first chapter happened.  
> Here's to hoping you enjoy it. Thanks.


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